juicy

i used to have a grey jacket,
now its blue.
See what i did there?
Cause i didnt do nothing.
See, i just dont want your concern,
cause when you do, i feel a burn,
a burn to please and please from steez,
the burn that makes me jock even harder,
See i just wanna be me,
but as a wannabe o.g. i can never cut it,
so as i say, jock on young jocker,
Cause i got peeps waitin all day,
waitin to come out and say,
HEY!!!!!!!!! You so weren't worth the wait,
So if i want my legit ass life,
I got people to please, and a facade to fake,
and i got smiles comin up from the frown to make,
So i gotta get this class and style from somewhere,
So i jock the swag by making a stare,
Catch someone whose percieved as fly on the net,
Write down his shoes,
And burn his shirt onto my own cd,
Duplicate this data and turn it into me,

Now who am i,
To say this aint me,
If i can fake a nigga and turn me into him,
Aint i still me?
Or am i just a fake ass nigga,
With a yearnin to keep you hooked,
To do anythin just to keep you talkin.









this is no reflection on me haha. i just wanted to write in ebonics

i am who i am

and i love who i am. Dont get that mixed up with me thinking im better then anyone cause i aint. I know my flaws, and there are many. A little shorter then what i wanted to be, maybe even a little ugly. Sometimes i see myself as greedy, and just sometimes needy. I cant talk right, i stay up too late at night, and me drunk is an ugly sight.

Just... i love my life. Even though i haven't done much of the things i said i would, i know what i need to do in life, i know what i want, and im going to get them. And if i dont, ef it i tried.

With that, i feel untouchable. Nothing makes me sad, nothing gets me mad. Step on my shoes? Go ahead, theyre already dirty. Cry you a river? Only if i want to swim in it. I've got nothing left but to be happy. I may not have all the things i want, but i have all the things i need, and thats good enough for me. And i know things will get worse in my life, shoot, theyre pretty bad as is, but when things do get worse, at least i'll know how to look for the good things. Something i aint never known how to do before.






Anywho, this blog was just a parade for myself on how good life's been =D

This one is the last of its sort

summer time in the s.g.v.

no one knows my name. I saw a girl from high school and she said hello. She didnt know mine but i knew hers the moment i saw her. Her name was Christine, she's asian, and graduated in the year of 06. Her boyfriend used to drive an old second gen supra, and she had class with tim. I dont know why i remember any of this, but i just do. I dont remember why i knew her name, but i did.
What did she know about me? Simply that i looked familiar. I told her how she knew me, and why she knew me, yet she still didnt know herself who i was.

I introduced myself. She needed no intro, but did so anyhow.



She's one of a million reasons why i came to realize that no one knows my name. It doesnt really matter though, the people that do remember my name are the only ones that matter anyhow.

almost 9

its almost 9 in the morning and my weight is sitting 9 pounds over where it usually is. I went jogging to help even that imbalance but the sharp cold air wasnt getting to my lungs. So i quit. Nearly stepped in poo poo while at it.

Anyhow, if youre reading this you probably know i have a shizload of spare time. Much of which is spent drinking.

Monday night i had no intentions of drinking whatsoever. Until my friend rang me on the tele and told me he had "somethin special" tonight. Intrigued i was, so intrigued that i decided to ditch my plan of staying in and eating the rest of the broken chips at the bottom of the lays bag, and made my way out to cayabyabs house. As soon as i got there, they whipped out somethin truly special. A 1.7 liter bottle of kirkland signature brand vodka. Thank GODDDD i didnt drive tonight.

As soon as i saw it, we were on it. Ice, vodka, redbull, cup, drink. I think after about two cups i had about 9 shots. And for some reason, i decided on doing a quad shot. =[

I down that shit, and next thing i remember, i was trying to run my ass home. Dont ask me why, i just booked it. Thank god i was drunk and got tired and stopped. At which point Brian came chasing after me. Haha aint that somethin. After that we walked back to John's house and sat outside on the porch. At which point i put on my jacket, and much to everyone's dismay.... i had it on upside down. The hood was on my butt and pockets on my shoulders. At this point i REALLLY wanted to go home so i made another break for it, fortunalely again Brenden caught me after like 2 feet haha.

Only a real friend would run after his drunk friend hahaha.

easy to see

I remember everything. From the moment we met to the last time we made contact. I remember everything you used to wear, and the way you used to have your hair. I could even tell you how you smelled. I remembered when we were at our most absolute closest and i can remember the moment when we got so far away. I remember all the things i taught you, and i remember all the things you taught me. I remember everything ive let you borrow, and i remember all that i took from you. I remember every sorry ive said, and i remember each time you meant your sorries. I can count them on my hand.

Its a gift to remember all that is you, but dang. It sucks to!

if we die now

I went snowboarding to. Fun stuff! I ate it hard the first time around and jacked up my hand =[
My body got beat like rocky on the meat. It was fun stuff though.

ef. I have really boring stuff that i wanna blog about it. So....



Disclaimer: this gets boring



*ahem*

Death is a very interesting subject. Not many can fully fathom the idea of death. Having a complete mental grasp on death is pretty frightening. For me, at least what i think, is that it is a cease of conscience. Some believe that death is just a passageway to the afterlife. Heaven, reincarnation, hell, whatever. But i dont believe that. I think death is just an eternity of nothingness. And when people begin to think of that idea, they become frightened. And fear drives them to place massive amounts of faith into religions, whereas when thought about logically, these religions just seem ridiculous. People want to believe in something else, that theres something in the afterlife, something waiting for them. And maybe there is, but at this time of my life, its just to hard to believe any kind of afterlife can exist. I wanna be wrong, i really do!

:]

If you can spin like the dj,
Ill put you on like a record and let you play,
You can let your sweetness flow,
Like music coming out the stereo,
You'll come to me and into my mind,
And long past midnight, each other we can find,
Oh i promise we can never skip a beat,

meh... a little verse i wanted to write.


For the past 4 years of my life, winter has meant depression for me. Believe me, im not shitting you. Only a few people actually know this, but yeah, winter has sucked ass for me. But iss alright, there was always spring and summer to look forward to. This year is different though. Very different. I dont feel the same dread as i did in previous years. I dont feel that feeling in my stomach. Im not so nervous anymore. More importantly though, I feel like i found myself. Its koo to find oneself. You quit questioning yourself, no more doubts, no more saying i cant do this. Cause truth be told i feel like i can rule the world if i wanted. But thats not the desire of my heart.

Today is the 24th and as my birthday approaches, i really feel like an older person. My hair is getting longer, my mustache and goatee are getting thicker. Im getting a little fatter, and my spirits are flying a little higher. Im pretty fuckin stoked to break this cycle that i've been going through. I quit smoking to, so thats a big plus. I was never really super addicted, but i felt urges and some withdrawal symptoms. Twas a shitty night for me.

But yeah. It's a sweet life when you no longer have to pray for better days. Its such a sweet life when you rid yourself of regrets, and when you finally stop wishing you had a time machine. Its good to be fine with life as is. I'll always be wanting more, but wanting isn't needing, and i've made sure i know the difference between the two.


I hope everyone has a super duper happy thanksgiving. Get fat, get drunk, get crunk. Whatever it is you do. So with that, peace for you and me, love for me and you, and passion for us both.