easy to see

I remember everything. From the moment we met to the last time we made contact. I remember everything you used to wear, and the way you used to have your hair. I could even tell you how you smelled. I remembered when we were at our most absolute closest and i can remember the moment when we got so far away. I remember all the things i taught you, and i remember all the things you taught me. I remember everything ive let you borrow, and i remember all that i took from you. I remember every sorry ive said, and i remember each time you meant your sorries. I can count them on my hand.

Its a gift to remember all that is you, but dang. It sucks to!

if we die now

I went snowboarding to. Fun stuff! I ate it hard the first time around and jacked up my hand =[
My body got beat like rocky on the meat. It was fun stuff though.

ef. I have really boring stuff that i wanna blog about it. So....



Disclaimer: this gets boring



*ahem*

Death is a very interesting subject. Not many can fully fathom the idea of death. Having a complete mental grasp on death is pretty frightening. For me, at least what i think, is that it is a cease of conscience. Some believe that death is just a passageway to the afterlife. Heaven, reincarnation, hell, whatever. But i dont believe that. I think death is just an eternity of nothingness. And when people begin to think of that idea, they become frightened. And fear drives them to place massive amounts of faith into religions, whereas when thought about logically, these religions just seem ridiculous. People want to believe in something else, that theres something in the afterlife, something waiting for them. And maybe there is, but at this time of my life, its just to hard to believe any kind of afterlife can exist. I wanna be wrong, i really do!

:]

If you can spin like the dj,
Ill put you on like a record and let you play,
You can let your sweetness flow,
Like music coming out the stereo,
You'll come to me and into my mind,
And long past midnight, each other we can find,
Oh i promise we can never skip a beat,

meh... a little verse i wanted to write.


For the past 4 years of my life, winter has meant depression for me. Believe me, im not shitting you. Only a few people actually know this, but yeah, winter has sucked ass for me. But iss alright, there was always spring and summer to look forward to. This year is different though. Very different. I dont feel the same dread as i did in previous years. I dont feel that feeling in my stomach. Im not so nervous anymore. More importantly though, I feel like i found myself. Its koo to find oneself. You quit questioning yourself, no more doubts, no more saying i cant do this. Cause truth be told i feel like i can rule the world if i wanted. But thats not the desire of my heart.

Today is the 24th and as my birthday approaches, i really feel like an older person. My hair is getting longer, my mustache and goatee are getting thicker. Im getting a little fatter, and my spirits are flying a little higher. Im pretty fuckin stoked to break this cycle that i've been going through. I quit smoking to, so thats a big plus. I was never really super addicted, but i felt urges and some withdrawal symptoms. Twas a shitty night for me.

But yeah. It's a sweet life when you no longer have to pray for better days. Its such a sweet life when you rid yourself of regrets, and when you finally stop wishing you had a time machine. Its good to be fine with life as is. I'll always be wanting more, but wanting isn't needing, and i've made sure i know the difference between the two.


I hope everyone has a super duper happy thanksgiving. Get fat, get drunk, get crunk. Whatever it is you do. So with that, peace for you and me, love for me and you, and passion for us both.

Rampaging

Karmas a bitch and strikes back when you least expect it. Or when you most expect it. Depends on how you look at it.

*breathe in deep

fuck. nevermind. Ill write something when something comes to me

Hunger

Hunger is interesting. A feeling that tells your body that you need food. But after awhile, it disappears. Does that mean i no longer need food? Meh. Im not in psychology yet so im not gonna go to far into that. Its 3 a.m. right now and not only am i mad, but im sad, hungry, but happy as well. Mad at someone, sad because of that someone as well, but hungry cause i didnt go to norms, or pho in westminster, but happy cause im really glad that everyone else is having a good time in life right now, which in turn, brings a bit of joy to myself.

Damn. Pho sounds bomb though. I fool around in life, but theres only one thing that really makes me wanna stop. But i dont think that thing is coming... so do i stop?

ANYHOW! Im gonna bring you a pleasant little quote that i like


"you may not be her first, her last, or her only. she's loved before and she may love again. but if she loves you now, what else matters? she's not perfect - you aren't either. and the two of you may never be perfect together. but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. she may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. so don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." -bob marley


kewl aint it? Go ahead jack it, cause i jacked it to. Thats usually how quotes work. Peace!

V. Nguyen

Six years goes by like a flash if youre not paying attention. But i was, and i was paying attention to people. Its almost impossible to speculate who is going to be there in the future, but fuck impossibility when you have something called faith.

I think i want to write about everyone i have faith in right now, at this point in my life.

Ill start with Agent Nguyen



I can honestly say, i didnt give a shit about this girl in 6th grade. Actually that sounds kind of brutal. How bout, i just didnt care for her. And that held some truth for about two years. I really dont know what happened but in a matter of year she became something vital to me, and it hasnt changed since.

It began sometime when i was still a whiny little bitch, and just HAD to go to her about all my bullshit. She heard about everything, and thank god for her, cause i woulda went crazy and bugged someone with less patience who would have then shot me with a shotgun. But somewhere along the line, i began to, to....idolize her. She seemed like such an infallible character to me, never falls, never breaks(she never REALLY has). And one day she stopped listening to me, and i took a cue. I broke myself down only in hopes of becoming big and strong like her (funny i say that cause i could probably pick her up and toss her). I think i came close, but no dice.

Honestly, i dont know how i would be without her. I REALLY dont. Most people you can take a guess. For example, without lets say....my mom, i wouldnt be born right? Your dentist, youd be at another dentist. Well with her, i really cant guess. I wouldnt want to guess though, cause i wouldnt want to have it any other way, then with her.

And with that, i come back to faith. Many people dont carry this with them when they leave. But im not leaving, im staying, others are leaving, and im going to carry the faith for them. And Vivian, is a driving factor for the reason i have faith in the friendships ive made, and the friendships that i believe will carry on for many years. She gives me faith that i can write about her in another seven years, faith that i can see her husband, her kids, her grand kids. Faith, that i can grow old with her, and reminisce, about how all it took to get there, was faith.


God is the only source of faith for some people, but not for me. My faith comes from vivian.




This blog sucks by the way. Only cause it doesnt do me any justice of how i feel about this girl

k. ngo

So so, and so. A million thoughts descend upon my head like the Persian army into Sparta. Problem is, i have no Spartan army, no 300 men willing to die for me, just a brain overcome by thought.

Thoughts of what i want to be when i grow up, when i grow old, and eventually, when i grow dead, and help trees grow. Thoughts of how im going to grow up, why im going to grow up, am i going to grow up, or... yeah. I just know that every single action of my day leads to the next moment like a domino effect. Unfortunately, i didnt stack my dominos right, and theyre not all tumbling dumb (hint hint, my stupid fucking school schedule (i have none) nor do i have a job).

If i ever felt like a true bum it was now. Only i have a home, nice (others beg to differ) clothes, food, water, and what not. But never the less, i feel like a bum, or at least if a bum had all the same amenities in life as i do. I am however, trying to change that....by applying to Tillys.

Which btw leads to me feeling embarrassed. I asked my mother for 50 bucks today to go buy some sweaters (kenpo actually, the only person reading this knows what it is) but she insisted she come along to (as the cheap asian mother she, she went scavenging in macys) fuck. And i insisted we split up to save time...but no. As a loving, caring mother, she decided to accompany me to help me pick shit out. Now, god bless my mom and all, but im turning into a man, a grown man, i have facial hair that comes in after a few hours after i shave for fucks sake. And she wants to help me pick stuff out.

Bleh.

Issokay though. Driving home from the mall i realized, love thy mother, for only a mother would want to embarass you by helping you pick out clothes. But anyhow, i bare the embarrassment because its her time with me. Bonding time if you will. And at this point in my life, its perhaps, her only time outside of home with me. And quite frankly, i enjoy it.


Btw chicks think im a mamas boy and some think its cool.

HAHA!

Fall and All

And so its fall. And i kicked it off with a very interesting weekend. Friday night can be marked as the craptacular night when my car got socked. Yes, someone was dumb enough to sock my car. Lets think for a second, a hand + car = usually opening the door to get in. But no, this guy, decided hand + car = lets try and smash a hole in it. Well i hope you broke a knuckle you twat. But, jokes on him, cause my car is fine, and his hand hurts, and i know i literally added insult to injury when i asked him if that hurt his hand.

Stupid raging homosexual.

Oh how i wish i was drunk at the time.

Which brings me to the next night, where i was drunk (yay or nay?)
Oh how inebriation brings out the best in me. Fun loving, huggable, insultable, punchable, danceable, drink more-able, pee alot-able, and oh so stupid. But its all in good fun. Despite making a complete full of ones self, i look back and think, its worth it for those few hours filled with joy and complete disregard for most people there.

hah. hah. hah.

Drank, Drank, Drunk

Sometimes in life you come across something that you just cannot control. Doesnt matter what the fuck it is, you just cant control it. A car accident, a dog biting you in the ass, someones feelings, or an airplane taken over by a group of radical muslims that slams right into your fucking face. ouch. But its realizing that you dont have control over anything, when you finally have control over your life. Doesnt make sense? Well i didnt make my point yet.

You see, when crazy shit happens, emotions take over. "It's not fair!" or "I didnt deserve it" are typical responses towards shit that seems unjust and completely fucking random. But its when you let your emotions reside and let your mind take over, thats when you have complete control over your life. Complete control to say, "shit happens" or "well thats some fucked up shit", yadda yadda yadda, just fill in those quotations mark with something that allows you to not give a shit about the unjust things in this world.

Im writing this because, well, I myself need to realize i cant control alot of things, more specifically people, even more specifically a girl, even more specifically...well lets not go there.

If this made an coherent sense, well then confuckingradulations. Thats a job well done, cause after about two 40oz Miller High Lifes, i cant even make sense of what im thinking about right now.

I feel like going to bed, but i know im gonna be hurting later on. Anywho pikachu, peace.